Boob juice

This morning I looked at my ten month old and thought 'my what a long way we have come'. My husband was feeding her the bottle and she insisted on doing it on her own.
When she was born my life was - eat, sleep (as much as I could) and breast feed. I used to give bubba the boob juice always! Unlike Rakhee, I knew that breast feeding was something I  wanted to do and I would love. I invested in a nursing cover, so I could do it in public, I read up on it and after being wheeled into my room post op - I asked for her and fed her immediately.
There it was - that instant connection, that bond, that feeling of wow, I am a mom and I can feed my bubba. In the first few days I enjoyed breast feeding her, she slept, I kind of slept - or tended to the visitors or just watched her sleep. I bought the maternity tops and bras so it was easier for me to click things off and on and it was good.

Every mother has a different tale. Every mother has their way of raising their child. Every mother - no matter how well the child latches (or doesn't) will suffer sleep deprivation and forget to shower and if you are a breast feeding mother - be prepared to be emotionally tied to feeding your baby, sagging boobs (oh yes, they can and will go south if you don't buy the right bras) and have your breasts so full at one point or another that you want to kill the next person in sight (you will be in so much pain you want to just scream, but you cannot because baby just went back to sleep).

If you are breast feeding, be prepared to eat for an army. Rakhee explained it to me best - she said breast feeding is like running 40 kms every time you put the baby on the boob. It is exhausting, it drains you and you will look and feel like shit. When you are not feeding and your baby is hungry, your boobs will leak - if you are at nakumatt doing a shop or sleeping or meeting your father in law - the boobs will leak - so buy the breast pads and REMEMBER to wear them!
When you take your bundle of joy out, as much as you do not want to feed in public, you will. Just remember the nursing cover. She will ask for food when you are chatting to her doctor, or when you just sat down for a luncheon with your gal pals.
Whatever you do - do not just pop the boob out - it is slightly offensive as much as it is 'the most natural thing in the world'. Your boob is not pretty, it is huge and no one really wants to see that - even if it is your bff!

Lastly, when you do decide to make the switch or stop altogether, just do it cold turkey. Be prepared for your  body to still produce milk for about two or three days before the boobies dry up. But, be strong when you say no more breast. I stopped, then went on a guilt trip and started again. Then stopped and felt awful - like I was depriving Ariyana of everything that is great in life and started again and then my breast pump stopped working and I took this as a sign - and just said enough. The boob juice is done and over, no more getting bubba boob drunk - she would now be exposed to other tastes and textures and ta-da  the boobs were reclaimed!

I wanna stay in hospital....just a little bit longer!

Wowee... I mean this is real life now.  I can’t just duck and leave the baby in the nursery I have to take it home with me!   Those first few days in the hospital were bliss.  I was high on a series of wonderful drugs, I slept all the time and held this new born every few hours when it needed nourishment.  Now let’s talk about this whole breastfeeding thing... I mean seriously?!!  Hold the baby in a somewhat upright position, position yourself first so you are comfortable (is that a joke? Someone sucking on your boob that provides you with no pleasure? – how can I be comfortable??). The nurses were crap especially when they sat tweaking my tits like cows udders in order to get the bubba to latch!  Needless to say that whole bonding feeling you are supposed to get with baby on the boob was total and utter crap.  My back was sore because I was always hunched over.  My boobs were sore because of this constant suckling, my nipples seemed to have turned into a much darker shade of grey/black and they were hideous!  Needless to say I am not a fan of the whole breastfeeding thing.  I never sat there with my baby on my boob thinking how amazing this whole mothering experience was.  I just treated it like any chore.... get in and get out as quickly as possible! So yes, I topped up on formula, I used nipple protectors, I expressed more than most and it made life with this new being so much more bearable! 

I wasn’t one of those people who instantly bonded and connected with this baby.  All those feelings of overwhelming love that pour out of mothers.... well I didn’t feel any of it. I felt like I was on auto pilot and was doing what I needed to do. After about 3 weeks of winging this whole parenting, mothering thing I realised I didn’t have a bloody clue as to what I was doing!  I freaked out every time the baby cried and wondered why... I should have read that bloody “What to expect when expecting” book!!  Then it happened.... I remember a book that my cousin gave me saying that it saved her life and her kids slept through the night!!! Forget all the other books on all the other elements of overstimulation, feeding, changing etc... I want to sleep!! My guru – Gina Ford. For those of you who know me, you know that this book changed my world! She truly is a god send and for my militant personality this book suited me to a tee.  I didn’t know the difference between a hungry cry and sleepy cry, all I heard was crying! So we instituted the contented baby theories to our entire household, domestics, grandparents, friends and whoever didn’t want to follow the routine didn’t need to help with the baby! It was magic! Baby slept when it was supposed to, ate when it was supposed to, and as a friend of my will tell you even his bowel movements were on the Gina routine!  4 months – that is all it took for him to sleep through the night.  Yes – I did sleep train.  Yes – I know there are loads of you out there who think sleep training is for lazy mothers.  Judge me all you like.  My son is nearly four, still has a short nap in the afternoons, and sleeps from 7 to 7 in his own room! So take that all you mothers who are still sleep deprived and becoming crazy bitches because of it! 

It took my about a month or so to feel the connection.  I was sitting on the sofa, baby on boob, watching some crap on TV and I looked down and thought wowee this thing is mine!  All mine.  Sure I felt love and my eyes smarted slightly and I smiled thinking the reason that I loved him so much was because already at one month he followed the routines, never had my guessing as to what his problem was and most importantly – he let me sleep! Bless you Keyaan!