When reality sinks in....by raks

Let me clarify... in my last piece I said I cried my eyes out.  Not because I was overcome with joy that I would be blessed with a walking, talking living doll but because of all that I thought I would have to give up to accommodate this new being.  Yes – self-sacrifice has never been my forte and after living in South Africa for a good five years from the glaring eyes of society in Kenya I became well selfish.  God forbid we announce to the world that we are not all choked up and buying every baby item we see since the news of the impending birth!  I didn’t rush out and buy one million baby thingy me jiggy’s... I didn’t know what half of them were used for let alone the “right” names for them!  When one of my friends showed me a breast pump I thought it was some contraption you use to feed the baby... I had no idea that my role would include sitting for hours pumping breast milk like let’s face it a cow that has a herd of at least 6 calf’s! 

OK so I admit I did call home and all the family to announce the news but as I was trying to tell them I was laughing so much that none of them believed me.  My brother simply asked for a paternity test as I had been in Turkey and my hubby in South Africa – clearly he had no idea that it really does take one shot!!  Then I leaned in to take a swig of wine and stopped.  Not because of instinct or thinking that I would harm the baby, but because of my good old friend guilt.  Seriously had anyone ever told me that guilt would replace every normal emotion once you get pregnant I am not sure I would have!  Knowing that I have no capability whatsoever in will power or self discipline I signed up for Allan Carrs easy way to quit smoking!  I got a spot in the course 2 days later and said pointedly to my hubby that I would quit once I got to the course and would smoke guilt free until then!

So as I walk into this course full of a group of eclectics but bound soulfully by that one puff I decided that I didn’t want to quit.  I would just smoke away from the unapproving eyes and in the quiet calm of my home.  I mean I was short already so what more harm could it really do to the baby?  Oh I can see all you mothers shaking your heads in disgust and shame.  It was that thinking that made me want to smoke even more!!  You will be happy to know that I managed to quit... for exactly 12 months and the second I stopped breast feeding I inhaled once again!

This issue about the 3 month rule of not telling anyone about your pregnancy plagued me the most!  Listen I am not a good secret keeper.  Let me clarify...for those of you who want to share secrets with me that I need to take to my grave well bring them on.  For those of you who want to whisper in secret about who’s pregnant, who’s miscarried, who’s having an affair etc well in truth those are secrets that will get out and so please don’t share unless you want the truth out sooner rather than later!  So I understand that the first 12 weeks is precarious at best.   Therefore you are advised not to share lest you have an amnio and discover some horrible defect with your child and worse still miscarry.  However, surely the people that you are sharing the news with are exactly the same people you will look to for support god forbid you do face any of the million risks the first 12 weeks of pregnancy brings!  So yes I shared with anyone who would care to hear that I was pregnant.  No not because I was suddenly overcome by some sense of motherhood but because I like attention.  There ain’t nothing like a good old fashioned pregnancy to warrant a full 9 months of ooohing and aaahing over me!  And you thought I was lying when I said I was selfish!

yummy mummies

from left, radhika, rakhee, baby bump eater, aditi and karishma

pinks and raks do their favorite pose for the camera

10 things I liked about being pregnant...by pinks

1. Crying everytime I saw Salman Khan (Bollywood actor) on TV - sometimes I would cry just at the mention of his name!
2. Getting offered a seat, a glass of water, a jump in the line at the bank and a smile wherever I would go
3. Bio Oil
4. Not doing anything for a whole day and not feeling bad about it
5. Having a baby shower planned
6. Shopping for and doing up Ariyanas nursery
7. Doing pre-natal yoga for 10 minutes and sleeping for 22 hours to recover the energy I used up to do it
8. Looking for baby names online and suggestions from friends and family
9. Listening to my babys heartbeat (which I made the ringtone on my phone)
10. Getting all sorts of compliments, although I felt like a large lump of lard!

10 things that make you go hmmmm....by Raks

1)      Will my baby be cute? And I mean not just cute to me but to everyone.  I don’t want to post pictures of an ugly baby on facebook!

2)      Is breastfeeding like foreplay?

3)      Does the baby poo inside me?

4)      Do babies get erections in the womb?

5)      Can a scan accurately determine the difference between the umbilical cord and a penis?

6)      If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

7)      Where are the holes on my breasts for the milk to come out of?

8)      If I drive on Kenyan roads with all the potholes will the baby pop out?

9)      If I push too hard to poo will I hurt the baby?

10)   If you have sex while pregnant will the baby have dimples?

Third time lucky...by pinks

I remember when I first found out I was preggers. It was 35 months ago and I had just returned from a trip from India and Dubai. When I was in Mumbai, celebrating my first anniversary, I began to feel rather ill. Of course, I thought it was something I had eaten and was sure it would pass. I remember feeling so awful and so sleepy all the time. I honestly had no idea that I could or would be pregnant. When you get pregnant your sense of smell increases and trust me, India is not a place where you want to catch a whiff of anything because, as much as I love the place, it smells!

I told my hubby that I could not take it anymore and perhaps we should cut our trip to India short and instead move on to a cleaner and smell free Dubai. So that is exactly what we did. Whilst in Dubai, as clean as it is, all I could smell was detergent and this made me feel worse. Of course, I noticed that the ‘sickness’ would come and go and 5 days later of my being ill, Raj told me that I must be pregnant and all I could think was, this is nothing like pregnancy; it is more like food poisoning with a severe case of some new smelling sickness and lethargy to boot. Lest we forget the gas – which I put down to acidity as I was not eating much.

At the breakfast table all I would want was milk and fruit. My appetite was never satiated as the fruit and milk tasted like plastic. Of course we debated if this could be a pregnancy but I was convinced it wasn’t as I was feeling sick all day, not just in the mornings.  Still unsure and as we made our way through the malls I was joking with Raj when we passed the maternity shops. Call me completely feeble and silly, but I was still not convinced that I was actually pregnant. Did I mention I missed a period? I still couldn’t do the math! I remember one day when we went to the IBN Batuta mall and I felt like I could barely walk, Raj told me he would buy me a burger. I said sure, but asked him for a second while I went to the loo. In the loo I threw up and as I came out to wash my face at the sink, it sunk in – pardon the pun. I looked at myself in the mirror and said ‘OMG Pinx, you are so pregnant!’ When we arrived back home (I slept all the way on the plane, something that is so not me), Raj bought me a pregnancy test and when it tested positive I shouted his name and he replied with an ‘I know!’

Unfortunately my pregnancy did not last; I lost my baby at 6 weeks. When I went for the scan there was no heartbeat and at this stage the doctors saw no hope. Of course I hung on for another two weeks and at 8 weeks we decided to have a D n C.  

After this, I tried for a long time to get pregnant again, this time on purpose, this time being aware of the symptoms of pregnancy (yes gas is one of them!) and this time counting the days, buying the ovulation kits and doing the 2ww (two week wait). It was agony. Every time I would be so sure that this was it, my aunt flo would pay a visit. Every time she would visit I would be in the loo and look up and say to God – why? Then I would text a friend of mine, who was also trying, and tell of my unwanted guest feeling completely demoralized and depleted.

Last April things changed. I consciously made the effort of getting pregnant, with the ovulation kit, the timing, the cushions under the butt, etc and after two weeks I got a faint positive. I waited two days and peed on a stick again and there it was two lines on my pregnancy test. This was so exciting. And then it hit me, that horrid nausea, the awful tiredness, the taste of metal in the back of my mouth. I kept reminding myself that this is what I had waited for and what I had been trying for, for almost a year.

Alas, this pregnancy was also not meant to be either. Because of the last loss, doctors wanted to make sure the fetus was ok.  I went for a scan at 5 weeks and no heartbeat. I could not believe my luck. I prayed to God, I begged the doctors, I shouted at my mother and screamed at my husband. I could not understand why this was happening. I then consoled myself with the fact that it was too early to have a scan and waited. At 7 weeks, after changing my doctor, and going for another scan, I had to be very honest with myself and allow myself to let go of this pregnancy too. There was no heartbeat, there was no fetal growth, and when I started bleeding I knew that this baby was no more.

I don’t know why I did not give up. It is horrible to go through a loss like that and pick yourself up from it and move on. Although, I felt in my heart of hearts that I would indeed carry a pregnancy to term. After mourning the loss of yet another pregnancy, another child, the year 2010 was the year of receiving I told myself. I had found an excellent doctor and unlike the year 2008, I was very educated on being pregnant and what it took to get there. I planned it, tried and took a pregnancy test after 10 days. There it was, the 2 lines. I did not get over excited but I called my doctor who asked to see me the next day.

The first 12 weeks were crucial, I made sure I did not overdo it, I listened to my body; slept when it wanted to sleep, ate when it wanted to eat, shouted when the hormones went a bit crazy, burped when I needed to and promised myself that this baby would arrive happy and healthy.

Agreed, there were times when I felt that something had gone wrong, but feeling her kick and move inside me were great moments. I remember feeling so ill and asking myself why I would put myself through this again and again, but I would have people encouraging me and telling me to keep the end result in mind. As I type this, I look at the monitor and see her fast asleep in her nursery and thank God for bringing us this far. Pregnancy and parenting is a whole new ball game, but oh my word, it is totally worth

The SmART of baby making by Raks

So you know how we all get to that stage...been married a few years and inevitably the conversation becomes all about baby making, procreating, breeding and producing the legacy of your loins!  I for one was quite happy with my twosome.  I could drink myself into a stupor and not worry about the sound of some ill-placed noisy gift that someone bestowed on my children to break the banging in my head.  I could get up on a Saturday and decide to just go... anywhere...the spoils of lake naivasha, the tranquillity of mount grace, the spa for five hours of blissful rubbing... and just the idea of having my body being invaded by well let’s face it a mini penis... it was just all too much for me!  Then there the whole “Are you trying?” discussion like my sex life should be out for the world on display especially for your fathers, mothers sisters aunt! The whole idea is just absurd and is natures way of ensuring that we have a testament to our own mortality! So when my husband and I decided it was the year to have a baby – what did I do? Packed my bags and went off to Turkey for a project.  Work was my only salvation!

I was off the hook for at least another three months but I knew I couldn’t put it off forever.  I mean come on – I am a good Indian girl who was brought up to do the right thing  - yeah right!  Whilst on my travels in Turkey I pondered this complex, scary idea that I would one day be someone’s mother.  I mean me? Whaaaat? I am still daddy’s little girl and crawl into mama’s bed for comfort and I was at the time 32!! Surely that’s far too young... am sure I had viable eggs.  At the time I was perplexed by so many wierd notions... would breast feeding have the same effect on your boobs as foreplay? How really will the size of a watermelon pass through the birth canal and effectively eject itself out of the size of a lemon – ok I have witnessed first hand the ladies in Patpong, Thailand doing ridiculous things with their well you know what... see I can’t even say the word... how the hell can I have a baby?  I am just about 5 foot and weigh... well not much... I can barely on most days carry myself.. now I am expected to carry a whole human being with fingernails and all? 

So I get back from my 20 hour journey from Adana to Jo’burg via Istanbul and Germany... exhausted and all I want to do is well... sleep.  Alone. As the duty bound wife that I am (guffaw!)   I realise my month away from my husband will require me to get my ass of the sofa, switch of the TV and at the very least satisfy my husband sexual appetite.  Had I known at the time that that one frolic would land me bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen I might have reconsidering staying on the sofa!!

As  is the norm, every month like clockwork the “painters” come and after a very stressful project and not being one who checks ovulation dates or for that matter tracks my menstrual cycle on an excel spreadsheet I landed back in Jo’burg tired and very cranky!  When I don’t sleep for at least 12 hours a night I am worse than a fretful baby on a long flight.  So I do what I also do... open a fine bottle of wine and smoke my lungs off.   A week later I realised that the “painters” had closed up shop and moved... so I went and picked up a pregnancy test because before I even think about setting foot in the gynae’s office I wanted to rule everything else out!  I mean who voluntarily visits the gyno?  I would rather have a root canal with no anaesthetic than set foot in the waiting room. I take the test after 2 bottles of wine and at least a pack of cigs.  I am convinced that man created the test...it is nearly impossible to pee on that teeny tiny stick without peeing all over your hands!  Anyway it was positive. My reaction you ask?  I laughed my ass off and then the reality of no more 12 hour blissful sleeps, no more dreadful hangovers (ok thats a positive), no more smoking (holy shit!!! How will I cope) so I smoke one more just to calm down and then the reality hit.... and a cried my eyes out!!!