Wowee... I mean this is real life now. I can’t just duck and leave the baby in the nursery I have to take it home with me! Those first few days in the hospital were bliss. I was high on a series of wonderful drugs, I slept all the time and held this new born every few hours when it needed nourishment. Now let’s talk about this whole breastfeeding thing... I mean seriously?!! Hold the baby in a somewhat upright position, position yourself first so you are comfortable (is that a joke? Someone sucking on your boob that provides you with no pleasure? – how can I be comfortable??). The nurses were crap especially when they sat tweaking my tits like cows udders in order to get the bubba to latch! Needless to say that whole bonding feeling you are supposed to get with baby on the boob was total and utter crap. My back was sore because I was always hunched over. My boobs were sore because of this constant suckling, my nipples seemed to have turned into a much darker shade of grey/black and they were hideous! Needless to say I am not a fan of the whole breastfeeding thing. I never sat there with my baby on my boob thinking how amazing this whole mothering experience was. I just treated it like any chore.... get in and get out as quickly as possible! So yes, I topped up on formula, I used nipple protectors, I expressed more than most and it made life with this new being so much more bearable!
I wasn’t one of those people who instantly bonded and connected with this baby. All those feelings of overwhelming love that pour out of mothers.... well I didn’t feel any of it. I felt like I was on auto pilot and was doing what I needed to do. After about 3 weeks of winging this whole parenting, mothering thing I realised I didn’t have a bloody clue as to what I was doing! I freaked out every time the baby cried and wondered why... I should have read that bloody “What to expect when expecting” book!! Then it happened.... I remember a book that my cousin gave me saying that it saved her life and her kids slept through the night!!! Forget all the other books on all the other elements of overstimulation, feeding, changing etc... I want to sleep!! My guru – Gina Ford. For those of you who know me, you know that this book changed my world! She truly is a god send and for my militant personality this book suited me to a tee. I didn’t know the difference between a hungry cry and sleepy cry, all I heard was crying! So we instituted the contented baby theories to our entire household, domestics, grandparents, friends and whoever didn’t want to follow the routine didn’t need to help with the baby! It was magic! Baby slept when it was supposed to, ate when it was supposed to, and as a friend of my will tell you even his bowel movements were on the Gina routine! 4 months – that is all it took for him to sleep through the night. Yes – I did sleep train. Yes – I know there are loads of you out there who think sleep training is for lazy mothers. Judge me all you like. My son is nearly four, still has a short nap in the afternoons, and sleeps from 7 to 7 in his own room! So take that all you mothers who are still sleep deprived and becoming crazy bitches because of it!
It took my about a month or so to feel the connection. I was sitting on the sofa, baby on boob, watching some crap on TV and I looked down and thought wowee this thing is mine! All mine. Sure I felt love and my eyes smarted slightly and I smiled thinking the reason that I loved him so much was because already at one month he followed the routines, never had my guessing as to what his problem was and most importantly – he let me sleep! Bless you Keyaan!
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